I just want to talk a little about the greatest gift I received this year. Yep. It's gonna be one of THOSE types of journals. 
Because my mother has been on blood thinners she has also been having nose bleeds quite frequently. Earlier in the week they were becoming worse and worse, longer and longer. Come Wednesday she was not only bleeding from her nose often but she found blood in her urine.
We're not talking specks of blood either, we're talking raspberry red pee. 
She went to see the doctor, he took a sample, and said that if it got worse, didn't get better, or became painful or uncomfortable that she would have to go to the hospital. Again. 
All I kept thinking was having to visit her in the hospital and bring her gifts there. It was such a sad image.Thursday it was still the same color, only slightly lighter by the afternoon. I still went for my seven courses of fish Italian dinner in the next town over because I'm, literally, three minutes away if she needed me.
Christmas morning I asked her what her wee looked like and she said a bit lighter so that was good. I went and did Christmas at my dad's, barely eating my breakfast, and returned to moms. My sister and I did Christmas there and decided that, yes, my mom would go out to Long Island to celebrate with the rest of our family.
The best gift I received this year was that she went to the bathroom in the afternoon and she told me there was not a trace of blood to be had. 
I hope it stays away for good.Of course, there's many other complications because she still needs to be on a blood thinner, or do surgery, and that we have to figure out WHAT was bleeding, but... I couldn't have been happier hearing that news.
I got to spend my Christmas with my mother, without her being hooked up to machines in a hospital bed. For the first time in a while, I was all smiles.Thanks for reading.
Book Review: They Cage the Animals at Night by - Jennings Michael Burch: Interestingly enough, we got to read this in middle school. We also got to keep the books that were assigned to us. I still remember certain scenes where Jennings, the narrator, and the author of this autobiographical novel either received amazing amounts of love or terrible amounts of abuse.
Set in the 1950s, in New York City and its environs, we get the unforgettable account of a few years of Jennings's childhood. With his mother too tired, sick, and beaten down to care for him and his brothers, he is shipped off several times to either foster homes or to orphanages. Early in the book we meet his constant friend, Doggie, a white and tan stuffed animal that was given to him, (at first) only at night, at the first home he stayed at. Each night the nuns would come around and collect the animals, caging them in little cubbies. This metaphor grows into the entire essence of the book. Through hardship, pain, emotional rampage, Jennings learns that stuffed animals are not the only thing that is caged for protection.
The orphans are locked up during the night and also during the day. Forced to listen for a clicker to get them to line up for dinner or a clap of the hands to get them to line up for lunch. The orphanages were sometimes a blessing in comparison to the homes Jennings is lent out to, where he learns that love and compassion are hard to find, even if they can be found anywhere. He cages up his ability to say that he loves anyone. There are times when there is much love in the world and Jennings cannot bear to find it in him to speak the words because if he does, if he lets them escape, just like the stuffed animals or the orphans, he might get doubly hurt. The cruelty that he finds in the world seems to confirm his need to lock himself up into himself. Yet, Jennings is a child of firm compassion. He is rarely judgmental and often very accepting and docile to the harsh world he has been thrown into. Often he cries, but rarely retaliates. He is resourceful and a master of escapism though his ever-trusty friend Doggie and through his own mind. The young boy cannot find much solace, even at home, as conditions go from worse to hellish. Each page makes it seem like the world might fall apart for our narrator.
Although much of the depth of the story was lost to me on a childhood level, reading it again brought out much more from the pages. It's a story of love for those around you and a story of overcoming overwhelming odds. There is triumph and defeat at every paragraph. A roller coaster of pain and joy.
I got to meet Jennings Michael Burch. I was in middle school, we had finished the book, and he came to speak with us. I remember our teacher telling us to speak up and to speak clearly because Jennings, because of old age and being boxed on the ears so many times by individuals in the story, could hardly hear.
This old man came shuffling within. He was balding and in a thick sweater vest over his button down shirt. We were silent as we watched years of suffering and hardship settle into a seat the teacher provided for him. Our teacher introduced us to him and we said 'hello' in unison. He smiled slightly, lowered his eyes to a duffel bag he had with him, and opened it silently. Out of it he produced Doggie, thread-bare, discolored, but still with him, his constant companion.
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"Once he was a lover sleeping with another,
Now he's just known as a cheat.
And he wish he'd had a mirror;
Looked a little clearer,
Seen into the eyes of the weak.
Tomorrow comes.
Sorrow becomes his soul mate.
The damage is done.
The prodigal son is too late.
Old doors are closed but he's always open,
To relive time in his mind.
Oh Billy."
-James Blunt
